, ,

LEADING THROUGH CHANGE - WHEN STAFF MEMBERS AND CHURCH MEMBERS LEAVE

, ,

WHEN STAFF MEMBERS AND CHURCH MEMBERS LEAVE

  1. STAFFING IS A KEY DECISION

  • 1 Timothy 5: “Do not lay hands on a man suddenly.” Any staff hire is a very important, sobering decision. Be slow to hire.

  • You want to hire someone who is focused on the TOWEL, not the TITLE. You are here to SERVE.


2. HAVE A PROCESS IN PLACE FOR EVALUATING STAFF AND KEY VOLUNTEERS

You are giving people significant responsibilities; have a system for evaluating:

  • Character — Not just about morality. Look at their work ethic, faithfulness, integrity.

  • Competency — Are they all hat, no cattle?

  • Culture — Do they fit well within your existing culture?

  • Chemistry — Likeability Factor. Do you enjoy being around this guy?

  • Calling — Look for the fingerprint of God on the hire of that person.

  • Capacity for Leadership — Can they grow with the role and the growth of the church? Can they reproduce themself and become a multiplier, not a maintainer?

3. UNDERSTAND + ACCEPT THAT SOME STAFF + CHURCH MEMBERS WILL HAVE TO TRANSITION

  • Understanding this will save you a lot of heartache.

  • Think of your church like a bus with stops along the way. What happens at a bus stop? Some people get on and some people get off.

  • There will be significant transition points as your church grows.

  • When this happens, remind yourself that this is just all part of the process of church planting.

  • Don’t lose perspective. Your “loss” may actually be a huge win!

  • Some folks need to get off the bus.

  • Why do people leave your church?

  • Sometimes staff will leave you because the responsibilities have grown beyond their capacity to grow with the role.

  • They may outgrow the responsibilities. Your job is to always make sure your staff are being challenged.

  • They may lack the character / competence / chemistry required to stick with it.

  • They may not want to do the spiritual and emotional work in order to grow.

  • Unexpected circumstances arise in life. Think seasons. Life happens in seasons.

4. REMEMBER THAT ALL STAFF AND MEMBERS NEED TO BE HELD LOOSELY.
Anything you hold tightly you suffocate.

5. PROMOTIONS TO KEY LEADERSHIP ROLES SHOULD BE CAREFULLY CONSIDERED THROUGH PRAYER.

  • Faithful in the little before being faithful with much.

  • Make sure they have been tested.

  • This doesn’t always work: people fool you. Potential staff will lie to you to get a job.

  • Be very careful in giving out titles… You can’t take it back.

  • It doesn’t feed your ego, it fits your function.


6. CELEBRATE THE STAYS AND POSITIVELY RELEASE THE GO'S.

  • For some churches the only time the Staff has a party is when someone leaves. When is the last time you had a party with the people who STAY?

  • Sometimes God calls you to go but often God calls you to STAY!

  • Sometimes someone goes and it’s a good thing. Sometimes someone goes and it’s painful. Sometimes people go when they shouldn’t and you can see the truck that’s about to hit them, but they won’t listen to you.


7. BE PREPARED FOR + POSITIVELY PROCESS THE EMOTIONS THAT WILL ACCOMPANY THE EXIT OF PEOPLE.

  • Loss leads to Grief, which can confuse people. Be prepared for the grief. You love the person, you’ve invested in them for years.

  • When you feel grief, don’t beat yourself up about it. Allow yourself to experience and feel.


8. GIVE CLEAR GUIDELINES TO DEPARTING STAFF ON YOUR EXPECTATIONS REGARDING COMMUNICATION.

  • Information Void can crank up a church gossip grapevine: “What’s happening behind the scenes?”

  • This happens when there is too much of time that passes between their decision and the communication.

  • It is foolish to allow departing staff to announce their departure.

  • Provide information to fill any potential void. SOMEBODY is going to tell ‘the story.’ You need to protect the health of your church as it continues moving forward.


9. EXPECT EMOTIONAL RESPONSES TO ANY STAFF MEMBER’S DEPARTURE.

  • Help them process, give them assurance.


10. LEARN LESSONS FROM DEPARTURES THAT CAN MAKE YOU AND YOUR ORGANIZATION BETTER.

  • How can we improve for next time?

  • What can I learn from this?

  • How can this make me better?

11. AVOID PROLONGED DEPARTURES.

  • When someone says they want to leave, let them.

  • Don’t drag it out or they will drag people down with them.

  • When they say they want to leave, their heart has already left.

  • Be generous in their transition.


12. BE APPROPRIATELY GENEROUS TOWARD DEPARTING PEOPLE WHO LEAVE WELL.

  • Err on the side of grace, not pettiness.

  • Oftentimes people who leave will talk badly about you behind your back. Be gracious.


13. EXPECT A HONEYMOON PERIOD ON SOCIAL MEDIA AT THE DEPARTING PERSON’S NEW PLACE.

  • “This new place is amazing!” Which means your place wasn’t.

  • At some point real life will kick in and they’ll stop.

  • Weather their honeymoon. You don’t need it in your spirit.

  • If it’s getting to you, delete the app.

  • Social media can feed a failure mentality.


14. DON’T GET DISCOURAGED.

  • Don’t Think You’re the Only Person This Happens To.

  • This is the secret: don’t get discouraged. Fight it.

  • People WILL leave your church.

  • Staff members WILL betray you.

  • Don’t give air to fear.

  • Pruning leads to better fruit and a better future.

  • Get up and keep going by faith.

  • Sometimes you have to wait 11 years to see someone who left in a bad way come back in repentance.

WISDOM FOR DEPARTING STAFF

  • If you’re leaving a church, get planted somewhere. Don’t wander.

  • When you get planted somewhere, be a son or daughter of that House.

  • Be an honorable, loyal, ethical, trusting Christian. Integrity matters. Honor your former pastor. Don’t go bush-league.

  • If you’re leaving a church, do not play the “God told me” game.

  • Don’t run from your issues! Your next church won’t change things. Geography doesn’t fix your problems.

  • Remember whose spiritual platform you have been using and you have been benefiting from. You were LOANED a platform. Never take the power and trust.

  • Never steal sheep.

  • Never steal staff. That is unethical behavior.

  • Fulfill your commitments. Don’t cut and run. That only hurts God’s people.

  • Leave your assigned area of responsibility stronger, not weaker.

  • Encourage commitment and faithfulness to the House that you’re leaving.

  • Watch your words, non-verbals and your actions on the way out… …because God is.

, ,

That One Time TINA FEY Helped Me Pick Out Panty-Hose

, ,

One Saturday night in the mid-1990's while working at The Second City comedy theater in Chicago, I received a phone call that I was being activated as an understudy for a

children’s theater performance the next day.

Somebody in the cast of the production was sick and so my moment in the spotlight was beckoning. I was excited until I realized that the production involved dressing up as a pirate and I needed to provide my own pantyhose.

Apparently Captain Hook had an inner diva.

Pantyhose, really? I’m a guy which means I have an allergy to Haines and don’t know the first thing about choosing pantyhose.

But here I was after working the late shift at Second City, clumsily fumbling through the pantyhose aisle of a Walgreens at 3 am. I think my Man Card was suspended for the night.

Luckily, two women walked into the Walgreens and came to my aid: Rachel Dratch and Tina Fey. I shared in my book, "Holy Shift," about how at this time in her life, Tina Fey was not big into parties after late night performances at Second City. Her regular rituals included renting movies at the local Blockbuster Video and grabbing a snack at the Walgreens across the street.

This is how she and Dratch found me.

I wish I could say it was one of my finer moments in life but there’s no way to spin it: I was a young college dude looking pathetic buying women’s pantyhose.

Tina and Rachel must have thought I was nuts and easily could have assumed the worst about me and walked away. Instead they walked toward me. Instead of talking ABOUT me, they chose to talk WITH me.

It didn’t hurt that they recognized me from Second City, so they came over to ask what I was up to.

After I explained my predicament in a way that only professional theater people can understand, Tina took a few minutes to choose just the right color and size of pantyhose for me to dress up in as a pirate the next day.

Yes, it’s true: Tina Fey helped me pick out pantyhose.

Actually purchasing the pantyhose was embarrassing. There is just no cool way for a twenty-year-old dude at 3 am to slyly hand over a pink package of Haines Hosiery Thigh-Highs

and declare with security in their own manhood, “It’s just something for the little lady at home.”

Yes, I may have looked odd or even a bit creepy from the outside

looking in.

The cashier didn’t crack a smile once during the checkout

process, he just stared at me in judgment. And I can’t blame him

for assuming the worst about me.

But isn’t that how we all react when we encounter something out of the ordinary without all the information on the situation?

What if we chose to believe the best about the people we encounter?

What if we eclipsed our inner judge with a presumption of compassion?

At Life Church Saginaw, we are willing to try anything and do

anything short of sin to engage people who normally will not darken a church door.

Having a whatever it takes attitude to reaching people

far from God has led us on some wild adventures.

One idea that has gained traction and successfully reached families in our region each year is our annual Easter Egg Helicopter Drop.

We invite folks to our church campus, throw a free party (remember, Jesus loved a good party!), and after they realize we are normal and harmless, we invite them back the next day for Easter services.

We have heard story after story of people becoming Christ-followers as a direct result of our Egg Drop!

As you can imagine, when you throw 50,000 eggs out of a helicopter, the media takes notice. Flying plastic eggs play well for local news cameras.

One year our Egg Drop even caught the attention of

newspapers throughout Michigan and The Christian Post, a national online publication. People far from God loved our heart and passion for serving area families. However, the online comments sections were filled with venom and judgment . . .

from other Christians.

As I read the first few comments from self-professing Christians,

I felt like a hemophiliac in a razor factory. Instead of talking

TO us, brothers and sisters in Christ were talking

ABOUT us on a public forum with assumptions that were not true.

The statements made about our church’s motives by people outside our church who claimed to represent the one true Church made people who go to church look stupid.

Assuming the worst can lead to unnecessary black-eyes within the Body of Christ. Friendly-fire is preventable. God gave us one mouth and two ears for a reason. It is always wiser to listen more than we speak.

Labeling people in public forums is not a sign of maturity—it’s a

preschool mentality. If we are unable to gather all the facts, then

our default as Christ-followers needs to be believing the best about people, not assuming the worst.

We have a fantastic team of Interns at Life Church who are learning and growing in their leadership skills. Part of the program is that we are intentionally providing a safe environment to make mistakes in.

We learn when we try.

When an intern makes a mistake in our church, we always believe the best. We walk alongside them, tell them to take a deep breath, and then we ask, “You’re okay, you tried something new, now what did you learn from that experience?”

Believing the best can be a game changer in your life and your

leadership. Jumping to positive conclusions creates energy, trust,

and forward movement in any ensemble. Believing the best helps

eliminate gossip and unnecessary drama.

Believe the best about the people you are partnering with and watch how your leadership climate shifts toward a stronger ensemble!

[ Excerpt from the book, "Holy Shift," by Dr. Jonathan Herron ]

,

The Kind of Leader God is Looking For

,

Great leaders lead with both knowledge and understanding. As a leader, always remember it’s your responsibility to lead and feed. More than ever, people are looking for someone to lead them with wisdom and understanding, and to feed them the things that will elevate their lives and their leadership. 

Here are 4 qualities that describe the type of shepherds God is calling leaders to be:

1) GOD’S LOOKING FOR SHEPHERDS THAT CARRY HIS HEART

  • God raises up people who have His heart. His heart is for others! God is all about loving and caring for people. This is the heart good shepherds lead with. 

  • How do you receive God’s heart? By surrendering to His presence. 

  • GOOD SHEPHERDS spend time in His presence and receive His heart. 

2) GOD’S LOOKING FOR SHEPHERDS THAT ARE FULL SO THEY CAN FEED

  • Shepherds are able to lead AND pour into people’s lives. A leader can’t pour into people what they don’t have. 

  • You can’t lead on empty; it is impossible to shepherd while all dried up. It is a leader’s responsibility to stay full. 

  • Don’t just love the idea of staying full, actually do it! Spend time in His presence and in His Word. So many people love the idea of pursuing Jesus, but staying full is about ACTION. 

  • GOOD SHEPHERDS make it a priority to stay full so they can pour into others.

3) GOD’S LOOKING FOR SHEPHERDS THAT KEEP THEIR HEART SHARP

  • Jeremiah 10:21 says this: “For the shepherds have become dull-hearted, and have not sought the Lord; therefore they shall not prosper, and all their flocks shall be scattered.”

  • If there’s an issue chopping the wood, it mostly comes down to a dull blade. Sometimes, the problem isn’t with the wood - it’s with the blade. 

  • This leads me to ask: If the shepherds have become dull-hearted, what is the status of the sheep? People will never surpass the leaders of their organization. 

  • GOOD SHEPHERDS don’t let their hearts grow dull. Good shepherds always have something FRESH to say.

4) GOD’S LOOKING FOR SHEPHERDS THAT WILL LOOK AFTER HIS PEOPLE

  • Don’t bother worrying about your platform or about how many eyes are watching you. God decides how much influence you will have. Stay focused on the people God has entrusted into your care!  

  • Be a shepherd whose main concern is the people they lead. Be a shepherd who is able to genuinely care about each member of the flock and bring value to each of their lives. 

  • GOOD SHEPHERDS more concerned about their flock than their personal influence.

Let’s remember these things as we lead people.

You're made to lead, and we need you! 

, ,

HOW TO REPAIR A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP

, ,

- Conflict is inevitable but drama is a choice.

- Romans 12:18 - “If it is possible, as far as it depends on YOU, be at peace with EVERYONE!”

- it is never too late to become the person you were meant to be.

- Peace makers NOT peace fakers, absolutely not a peace breaker

- Conflict is required in any relationship.

- Jesus is your Guide, not just a good idea

- We are all very good at noticing others faults

4 huge ideas to remember on fixing relationships of all kinds, friendships, relationships, mentors etc.

1. I will get back to, not back at.

- 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

2. I will own MY slice of the blame pie.

- we're all jerks

- “Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” (Jesus in Matthew 7:3)

3. I will make the first move, regardless of who moved away first.

- Matthew 5:23-24

- I don’t want anything from you, I want something FOR YOU- peace, wholeness, reconciliation.

4. I will keep the door open and the welcome mat out.

- What do you do when someone is willing to talk about you, but not talk to you? Don't give up. Keep trying.

-Romans 12:18 - Jesus walked into hurt, to begin healing.

, ,

What is the Root Cause of Church Splits?

, ,

Nobody enjoys a car wreck, but we all inevitably slow down in traffic to peer out the window as we drive by, attempting to ascertain what happened and to (hopefully) learn something that will prevent such a tragedy from happening to us.

With over 20 years of full-time ministry under my belt (plus another 20+ as a pastor's kid), I've seen my share of ugly wrecks in church world.  I'm sure you've also heard the stories -- usually whispered around a kitchen table -- of a minor church disagreement erupting into a full-blown church split that affects lives and livelihoods, leaving a black eye on the local Body of Christ.

The stories of church splits are never fun.  Real people get hurt.  Reputations are slandered.  Hurt and heartache can echo for years due to unhealed wounds.  And nobody wins: not the church of origin nor the newly formed congregation that results from a church split.

Perhaps by looking at one church split story, we can all learn how to better guard our unity within the church that Christ bled for (Acts 20:28).

This story is my story.  You see, three years ago, I went through a church split as the lead pastor (and founding pastor) of a church I love dearly.  

I barely survived the trauma of what one of my counselor's diagnosed as a "mass casualty event" (Yes, I said counselors plural.  Even pastors need therapy to ensure they are emotionally-healthy.).

The first thing you should know about church splits is this: at the time of this church split, even though I was the Founding Pastor, I had no idea what was happening behind my back. 

My wife and I were not privy to the cruel whispers and private gossip sessions engulfing our staff team and then spilling out into the membership during the COVID lockdowns.  

Looking back, I wish there was some sort of ministry alarm that would go off and alert a lead pastor when he is in danger of facing a church split.  But, there isn't one.  You usually have no idea that a church split is happening under your nose until after it has already occurred and the damage has been done.

My wife and I were completely taken by surprise.  We were focused on the primary crisis of navigating COVID lockdowns and frantically fundraising for our staff team.  During a crisis when I was putting out fires from COVID, I would look behind me for a bucket of water to be handed up to me... only to realize there was nobody behind me helping.

During this insane season of the COVID crisis now layered with an internal insurrection, I thought and truly believed that a minor misunderstanding at the staff level could be easily resolved with one honest and simple 5 minute conversation (and I still believe that to this day!).  

Unfortunately, when you're the lead pastor and staff members try to hijack the church out from under you, behind-the-scenes conversations and condemnations move quickly behind the pastor's back and rumors can spread like wildfire on Facebook.

So, in the interest of helping church leaders who read this blog and sparing you from the immense pain and hurt and betrayal of a church split in the future, allow me to ask and answer the main question: What is the cause of church splits? 

In a word: factions. 

Factions arise when there is a pile-up of disgruntled people who build up a case that becomes a driving fantasy.

Factions are driven by the What If:

  • "What if my assumptions are correct?"

  • "What if the rumors I've heard are true?

  • "What if my pastor - the same guy who led me to Christ and baptized me - what if he is actually a rotten person?"


Factions sadly live their lives on something that has not actually happened.

Factions thrive on anger.  Why anger?

When someone is hurt or experiences pain in their life, the person will often seek to numb the inward pain with outward anger. 

Anger is always secondary to a deeper hurt.  Anger allows the brain to release key hormones that soothe and numb the pain.

When someone is driven by anger, they can become emotionally-flooded.  This makes peaceful resolution difficult.  Perhaps this is why the Apostle Paul wrote:

"Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently."  (Galatians 6:1)


When angry people pile-up, you have a faction.  Factions are very manipulative and will often warp facts to fit their narrative.  Because anger arousal is high, it is difficult for the faction to parse facts from fiction.  

This is why the Scriptures warn believers against bitterness:

"See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." (Hebrews 12:15)


When factions form, conflict is inevitable.

The solution involves honest, gospel-centered conversation:

"Contrary to our instincts, hard conversations usually don't kill relationships.

They save them.

It's choosing the short, life-saving pain of surgery over the long-term, fatal pain of cancer."
(Josh Howerton)

 


Galatians 6:1 and Matthew 18:15-17 say to go to our brother.  


Ephesians 4:25-27 says to go without delay.

If a faction shuns/ghosts/refuses you, you can still forgive them.

Forgiveness is not a feeling, it is a choice.

You have the rightful choice to untether your heart from their hurt.



"You can forgive even if the person who wronged you is unrepentant.


You can repent even if the person you've wronged won't forgive you.


But there can be no reconciliation without repentance from the wrong and forgiveness from the wronged."


(Jared Wilson)

 

"Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace."
(Ephesians 4:3)

At the church I love, we have decided on three proactive approaches to head off the forming of any future factions.

For what it's worth, here is what we have learned from this heartbreaking experience:

1. We will always choose conversation over condemnation.

 

2. We will always seek to maintain the relationship over trying to win an argument.

 

3.  We will always speak with honesty, not hypocrisy.


And as always, I choose to remain open and ready to meet with anyone, anytime, anywhere with a humble heart and a listening ear.

 

Cart (0)